What follows is a sermon I delivered for a lay-led service at Congregation Betenu on October 11, 1996, National Coming Out Day. The Torah Portion for the week was Beresheet, Creation. I was adorned from head to toe in leather, including my brand new black leather yamulke, which I continued to wear to the Ramrod, my favorite local gay leather bar, after temple. My reception in both places was encouraging, including an unexpected "Shanah Tovah" from a stranger at the Ramrod.
For a rather large value of many, many of you are probably thinking, "What is he doing up there, wearing all that leather?" Most of you already know that I'm gay, so I take it for granted that I'm out of THAT closet. Most of you also know that I'm Jewish, so I take for granted that I'm out of that closet too. Would you believe there's such a thing as being a closetted pilot too? I consider myself a pretty out guy, and it's National Coming Out Day, so it takes a whole new layer to put me back in touch with the terror of coming out. Although there are a few gay people in the room, so far as I know I'm the only member of the leather community here. But now that I'm coming out about it, I've opened up the possibility of finding that I'm not alone here, as well as the possibility of serving as a local resource in that arena. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could find the company I'm looking for right here, and not need to schlepp to New York and San Francisco all the time? Why I could even consider spending my weekends in New Hampshire! But enough of my personal ad. What does it mean to come out as a Jew, and how is this related to Creation?
When God did that "creation thing", a universe was created in which God could revel in being God. Not everything was perfect, starting with those pesky snakes and humans, but God had a space to be God, openly and freely. Creation is, in essance, God's coming out story. And wow, is she out! We're reminded in the ten commandments, in the V'ahavtah, and throughout the bible. The classic drama queen, if I may affectionately be so bold. When we come out as ourselves we similarly create a space where we can be ourselves. I don't have to run home to change after temple tonight since I no longer need to hide that I'm a leatherman; you can bet I'll be happy tonight when I'm looking back on this moment from the Ramrod.
So what do I mean about coming out as a Jew?
[Comments omitted that "out" a certain near and dear openly gay, but closetted Jew, leaving us skirting an absurd dinner scene where a female relative comes to dinner at the home a male couple during passover, where the Jewish member of the couple is clinging to the closet about being Jewish to the extent that the non-Jewish guy wasn't even allowed to ask about the holiday, demonstrating that some will be in the closet about even being related to Jews.]
...Meanwhile I learn so much about being Jewish from being gay, and vice versa, that I can't imagine going back into the closet about either. Sure I have to contend with prejudice; I suspect I once lost a job from it, but my life is so much richer not having to keep an inventory of who knows what. And what kind of life could I have if I hid in deference to their bigotry? What kind of freedom is that?
My life is also so much richer when I can appreciate the diversity of the people around me. Although I'd rather see Abe (the son of our temple president who is studying to be a Christian minister) in a Jewish seminary, I'm still proud and delighted he's a part of Betenu; I understand he'd rather I were straight too, but that doesn't stop us from having delightful and sometimes heated discussions. So, too have there been many discussions where Danny's (Abe's mother) Christian perspective shed completely different light on the topic. And so many other members of our community bring unique contributions from backgrounds you might not expect to find together in a place like ours. A druid, an engineer rabbi, the VMS experts...it's this wonderful, crazy diversity that got me hooked on driving 50 miles to transition into Shabbat.
My friend Lars and I were discussing Coming Out Day, and today he was planning to come out to the two people he just recently started supervising. He recalled a time when he almost came out to his uncle, but realized there was not going to be any way to do so that would elicite the minimal acceptance, "Oh how nice!". So that became the goalpost for him. If he could do it in such a way that the other person could see that it is a blessing for him, then it's worth doing. Otherwise, why burden the relationship? For myself, I like to have coming out be a side effect of telling about something nice that's happening for me, like all those fun fly-ins I had with the Gay Pilots Association and my chanting here at Betenu. You might be amused to hear that I've blundered into becoming a judge in the Mr Vulcan Rubber contest next month in Chicago, and a couple of people in San Francisco recently referred to me as an authority on the Gay Leather community, honors I'm not sure I've yet grown into. But if you can appreciate that these too are things that make my life seem worth living, that's really all I ask of you. I always prefer Edgar Halcyon's response when Anna Madrigal came out as a transsexual, something like, "Thank God we can enjoy you as yourself now."
May we all discover that we can revel in being who we are, as God made us. May there be no more teen suicides from desperation and self-denial. May we always remember when we meet some new and different kind of person that Miss Manners still recommends the response, "How do you do?" And may we Jews proudly greet each other with a happy "Shalom Alechem", or today, "Shabbat Shalom." Happy Coming Out Day. Please do come out.