This period of the Jewish year brings us the study of Leviticus, and this week's Torah portion is Acharei Mot and Kedushim. A major topic is Jewish family law. Many verses provide lists of people who are not permitted to marry or "sleep together", an apparently ancient euphamism. The religious historians say that these social constructs marked a way for the Jewish people to differentiate themselves from other societies of the time, while the spiritualists credit them with providing the sense of discipline needed to support a healthy family. Indeed, they have been a foundation for a longstanding, healthy discussion by Jews and Western society in general on how to best nurture families. Unfortunately, they have also provided some with ammunition to snipe at modern families, holding hostage many innocent children.
In the era of transition from oral to written law, a major challenge to society was to have more children to outgrow competing societies. The phrase "be fruitful and multiply" was viewed largely as "produce as many children as possible". Sex and family was the social tool to meet this societal goal. In our era, the major societal goal is to produce a viable next generation while improving the living standards for all. "Be fruitful and multiply" can no longer legitimately be measured by birthrates, with the possible exception of the demographic disparity between Jewish and Moslem families in Israel, where Palestinians could likely improve their lot by following the current Jewish model. Instead this should be measured in literacy rates, mental and physical health trends, and an overall acceleration of Tikkun Olam, improving the world. The shift is an emphasis on quality rather than quantity; while we don't need so many children, we can focus on improving how we raise a child.
As a gay man, many states say I cannot adopt a child. Not that I'm ready to do so at the moment, since I lack my personal prerequisite of an appropriate partner, but in the long run, this is a sad state of affairs. I believe this law does more harm for the child left in the orphanage or series of disconnected foster families than it does to me. While it deprives me of the status of being a parent and the growth experience and satisfaction of raising a child, it deprives the child family ties, the nurturement of a stable, thoughtful home life, and the accompanying ties to the greater community. It deprives this congregation the chance to educate such a child. What societal goal is met by this policy? How does it serve God? Defenders of this policy point to this portion of Leviticus and claim that they are religiously obliged to thwart a gay family.
In the case where a gay family gets established anyway, who gets hurt by the obsolete family law on the books? A number of years ago, my former colleague Laura and her then-lover started a family. The lover had a daughter, and a few years later Laura had a son. The children grew with their pair of loving parents, and all was well. As sometimes happens with families, the parents' relationship broke down and they parted. If the law had allowed them to marry, the situation would have then been a clearcut divorce with all the attendant standard arrangements. Instead, Laura and her defacto daughter were cut off at the whim of the angry ex, without the legal recourse of family court. Whether or not you are predisposed to have sympathy for a Lesbian mom, is it right to cut off children from their siblings or from contact with an effective, loving parent of over ten years? That's what the Defense of Marriage Acts defend, wrapping homophobic prejudice in pedantic interpretation of Leviticus.
In the spirit of Deuteronomy 30:19, "Therefore choose life", I submit that it is a proper modern Jewish interpretation of Leviticus to support all kinds of families that nurture the children and parents as they are. Gay people should not be forced to marry heterosexually if they wish to raise children, nor should they be forced to adopt singly when they are coupled. Society owes children of gay families the same legal protections that children of other families take for granted. We as a Jewish community should not tolerate the use of Torah as a hate tool, and we should speak out in support of all loving, working families.