1998: 7/13 8/14 8/31 10/1 11/21 12/14
1999: 4/1 6/22 7/16
2000: 1/16 6/6 8/14
2001: 1/29 8/21 12/16
2002-6: 18Aug02 14Apr03 13Oct04 02Oct06 Timestamp

July 13, 1998

I'm winding down a year of fun and feverish travel, where I've visited many friends and family in fifteen cities around the US and New Zealand [Hi, Mudds!]. For those to whom I've explained "dot-to-dot", I recently connected Memphis, the last longstanding mid-continent challenge. Oops, writing the accompanying dot-to-dot page made me think of another mid-continent dot--oh well.

Work is getting more exciting, as I just got a long wished-for promotion; I'm still figuring out how to describe the role, which is a good indicator that I've got a ways to grow into it! My business card says Program Manager, and I'm doing liaison work between our engineering department and our Internet product management. I'm learning a great deal from my current manager, the head of Internet Connectivity Services. Friends will be amazed that I've moved my Unix workstation off my desk in favor of a windows box with a large screen. My how times change! I still use the Unix box for some tasks; there are things that MH and emacs can do that Eudora and Word cannot. Like a Luddite, I'm creating this web page by typing HTML in emacs text-mode. My car, in contrast, has an automatic transmission, though that is providing woe through its second transplant operation in the fortnight.

I survived the GMAT. The score was much better than just good enough, yet not quite what I had hoped. The last practice test score was too high to beat or even match. I hate thinking of myself as mediocre, and I have to keep reminding myself I'm not competing to get into Harvard and Stanford anymore. I kept thinking during the test, "I'm so sick of these test questions." Surprisingly, the essays that had me so worried seemed to come out fine; on one I wrote about the separation of worklife from personal life, arguing that we are evolving toward a more integrated blend. The SAT stuff just went on forever. I was highly irritated at the College Board non-disclosure agreement exercise. I had to hand-write my agreement not to disclose test questions, which made me so mad I want to violate it immediately. The heavy-handedness is not appropriate behavior for a monopoly organization, and I even more emphatically support Nader's fair testing efforts now. Colleagues will also not be surprised that I found the test room to be too brightly lit for the computer screens.

Why take the GMAT? The plan is to matriculate business school this year. For this purpose, I've been winding down outside activities, ending a couple of board positions. I'll continue on the condo board, though I don't know if I'll continue as chair.

Meanwhile, computers are taking over my life. I flew out twice to San Jose to get my mother onto the net with a hand-me-down computer from my brother Evan. Evan's new machine came up fine once he exchanged it for a significant upgrade after we discovered his hard disk wouldn't reliably boot. I had to buy another copy of win95 to get working network code onto Mom's machine. In trying to use that new disk to fix the network code on my home desktop machine, I ended up with an unbootably corrupted win95. No big deal with my new win95 cdrom and boot floppy, right? Hah! After a tech showed me how to format a new master boot record, I can now get the machine to boot whatever I put on the C: drive. Unfortunately, I haven't yet (nor have my tech friends) been able to get working drivers installed for my Sound Blaster proprietary cdrom drive, so I can load from the win95 cdrom. I write this now from my old win3.1 laptop, which I've been hoping to upgrade once the desktop machine is fully functional. I've been struggling for years to get it to do networking right, replacing much hardware in the process. Yes, I should just go out and buy a new machine; no, the budget says save the money for tuition instead. I wish Janet Reno would get serious about Microsoft and go after them for racketeering, rather than this irrelevant browser war; I shouldn't have to pay twice for the same operating system to get working code.

August 14, 1998

My school application has been sent, so I'm onto the next project. I just bought a new Win98 $400 computer from Micro Center. It's amazing what a $400 computer will do these days; I believe this one will get me through grad school, along with the $250 17" monitor and the $300 HP Officejet. I'm so impressed, I'm going in on buying one for Mom. I guess I'll need to do an installation visit for Rosh Hashanah, free Northwest seats permitting. Anyone got a place for me to stay for a couple of nights in the bay area? Mom's full up.

My brothers are both in the early (limbo) stages of moving, causing all sorts of interesting upheaval in the family. I wish them luck finding suitable places to land. When my friends pray to Gladys for parking spaces, that's not just for cars. People give the shchinah some rather funny names, right Harry?

August 31, 1998

I've been admitted to grad school, completing the summer's major project of getting in. Many thanks to those who advised me and to those who wrote letters for me. I am looking forward to finally officially being taught how to use MS Office and how to read my condo financial statements. (and how to make sense of the business world...) Need I learn to play golf?

My friends Kevin and Karla and I once again demonstrated our tradition of setting up multi-couple blind dates when the three of us happen to be simultaneously single. Each of us arranged a date for one another. This past Saturday, the six of us had a well-received dinner together at Casablanca and began to get to know each other. The entourage went on to see a set at O'Brien's, where a band containing a couple of Kevin and Karla's friends were playing; the performance was fine, but the amplification was just excessive--they sounded bad, and the loudness scared off half our crew. I don't know if any of the couples will go further, but I was delighted with each of the participants and their contribution to the conversation. I'd even be happy to further get to know my date if he's interested. Ted?

Sunday, I had the pleasure of attending the birthday party of Matt Hayes, who turned twenty-nine again. He seems in reasonable danger of doing so many more times, even if a Star Trek film fest isn't my idea of a great party concept. Mother Judy's cake was wonderful, of course, even if she was dyslexic on the candle placement. Matt may sometimes seem like a crotchety old man, but Ninety-two indeed!

After a ten year and five country search through music shops from New Zealand to Germany, I was finally able to purchase a CD copy of Eberhard Weber's early album Yellow Fields, through Amazon.com. It arrived this weekend. This is the last album I had realistically expected to replicate on CD, although the "Montreaux Summit" compilation of the mid-1970s would be nice too. I'm also looking for a copy of the out-of-print Kent Nagano recording of Stravinsky's "A Soldier's Tale", with Vanessa Redgrave and Sting. One down, two to go.

Mom's $400 computer didn't work as well as mine, so she's exchanging it. A two-hour long-distance call ended up with me declaring the modem no good. And to think I was trying to pre-empt such calls by replacing the previous computer... Dare I let my dad get one of these too?

I'm almost done migrating from my old laptop onto my $400 computer. Office 97 is working, as is Eudora (moved my email), Netscape Communicator (and IE and an eval copy of Opera--not ready for prime time) and GNU Emacs (with GNUS). The installation of Office 97 went smoothly once I remembered to disable Norton Anti-Virus, which correctly identifies all Microsoft software as a virus. I have one slot of my (two slot) PCMCIA drive working, so I can back up my flash memory from my HP200LX and so I can use my PCMCIA SCSI interface to my 1G JAZ drive (thank you David), which is how I moved data from my laptop. The big unsolved problem is the upgrade path from DOS Managing Your Money, which is no longer a supported retail product; my electronic bill payments with Checkfree are dependent on MYM, and it will be a large project to start over with different software. I tried to get MYM to work with a DOS boot, but couldn't get it to control the modem, which is essential to the Checkfree setup. Ideas?

October 1, 1998

The High Holidays are over, I'm back from California, and school starts Saturday.

Last month's MYM modem problem was solved by adding an old modem to a serial port. The built-in modem was at a more modern interrupt level than the old software would support, and the serial port was where it wanted a modem. Luckily, I located this modem, with it's power adapter and serial cable before I did my September Spring Cleaning, so the last major desktop computing problem is solved.

Mom's second $400 computer was having flakey boot problems, so we exchanged it while I was there. Since that version was out of stock, she was upgraded to the next version, with the 233 Mhz processor in place of the prior 180. I tested things like crazy, and now leave her tech support in the capable hands of her housemate, who in spite of a PhD in CS from Stanford, seems to be somewhat clueful. Meanwhile, I observed that my family is turning into a bunch of web junkies.

I attended Rosh Hashanah services with my mother in Palo Alto. In the evening, we went to Stanford Hillel, where one of my favorite rabbis, Yoel Kahn is now on staff. He gave a wonderful sermon, which managed to capture themes that I had discussed with friends in four or five conversations in the prior few days; what a delight! In the morning, we went to Kedem, a young Reconstructionist congregation with lay-led services. The quality of the leadership was impressive, as was the knowledgeable participation of the congregation. I was able to comfortably follow the liturgy, which though anti-sexist, felt rather conservative to me. It is becoming more and more clear to me, that I am most happy worshipping in a Reform congregation with modern Western US melodies and an unapologetically liberal Rabbi.

During the trip, I got to stay with my brother Evan and his roommates Nick and master of the house Van at their wonderful San Francisco digs at Opera Plaza. I also stayed with Ms. Katt, who did not make me sneeze, and her pet human, my friends Harry & Michael in Burlingame, who went above and beyond the call of duty bringing my forgotten phone charger to the opera house box office before I notified him I had missed it. What a space cadet I was this trip--I managed to lock myself out of Harry's for several hours by leaving his key with the rental car I returned--arrrgh! I even went out of my way to back up the car key with a spare; you'd think I'd have done the same with the housekey. And then I forgot to give Evan back the spare key to his car, which luckily was a spare spare. Don't give me your last spare--ever! Evan should get his back when he visits me soon.

I had a fascinating visit with our PacBell rep to discuss future technology initiatives. In search of ATM equipment, we took a Central Office tour, where I saw lots of batteries, racks of phone switch equipment, huge cables coming into the basement, emergency generators that could double for locomotive engines, and many floors of unoccupied equipment space with tremendous bay views that could command very high rents. There was about two racks of ATM equipment, and not the brand the technical contact expected. We also did a quick visit to the rep's splendid apartment to enjoy the spectacular view high up the side of Twin Peaks. The hardest part of new technology seems to be figuring out how to get the billing right.

I got to spend a bit of time with my brother Cliff, who is now living with Mom, as I zipped around trying to get Mom's computer working. Mom fixed a delicious birthday dinner in my honor, that was served well before midnight! The three of us did a visit the next day to Steinhart Aquarium in Golden Gate Park, where Cliff reveled with (his fellow?) reptiles. And here I had been confusing his reptilian behaviour with depression.

Among my birthday delights was spending the day finishing my last project for my quarterly incentive bonus. I also enjoyed unexpected birthday greetings from Andy and Robert in New Zealand. And two trips to SFO to collect Evan from a delayed flight. Happily, Harry's place is very conveniently near the airport.

My plans to attend Folsom Street Fair on Saturday were rearranged, since it turned out the fair was really on Sunday. Thanks to Harry, Northwest Airlines and my boss, for making the schedule adjustments possible. To my delight, I got to see friends David and Fester, Aaron and Steve, and Hans. I also took in the latest exhibit of photographs by the Thought Criminal, Mark Chester. This was followed by a nice dinner at Absinthe with Harry and Michael (congratulations on surviving ten years together!), Evan and his date du jour, and Evan's charming roommate Nick, who was very kind to me in spite of not feeling well.

Now back East, I attended Yom Kippur services at Betenu, where I chanted from Leviticus during the afternoon service. Some dear friends managed to truly surprize me with a surprize birthday party; who would expect a birthday party during Kol Nidre on Yom Kippur? It was an interesting talmudic dilemma. Needless to say, I erred in the fun direction of not embarassing my now more calendar-attuned friends with having to call the invitees to cancel. Happy New Year!

November 21, 1998

I'm now several weeks into school and wondering how Thanksgiving arrived so fast. I'm really enjoying my accounting course, and I got myself out of my computer course with a waiver. There was an MBA intro seminar for a couple of days in Chatham on Cape Cod; it was quite pretty. The cases we studied were interesting, and my classmates are a diverse lot, if overwhelmingly straight and married. It would be a stretch to say much bonding went on in such a short time, but it was good to have at least that time together. I was dismayed that I didn't get around to officially coming out to the class, and I'm struggling to cope with the culture shock of dealing mostly with financial and sales folk. My presentation team for the computer course I left really drove home to me how much of a cultural gap I'm bridging. There are some one-week seminars I'm looking at, though I'm leaning toward postponing them until I've finished more of my core courses so I'm more ready to accomplish the projects. Right now they look a bit scary, even if the leadership course at the ski slopes and the international seminar in France sound tempting. Perhaps I'll take the seminar in Barcelona in September, once questions of funding and reimbursement are resolved. My company, GTE, is in the process of merging with Bell Atlantic, which has a more favorable tuition reimbursement policy, and my boss is slated to try to get it to take effect for me by the time I hit the current tuition ceiling.

The saga of computers continues. Just a week before my $400 computer's 90 day warranty expired, it started getting flakey at boot time. I took it back, and they offered me my money back, so I took the cash and ran. This time, I went to PCs for Everyone and had them build my new computer to my specs. It's certainly more impressive, but more importantly there's service to back it up. Of course, reinstalling everything on a new computer is just what I needed to spend time on instead of my homework! I've installed enough to be able to do my homework, handle email, and pay my bills. There's much left to do, and I've fallen rather behind on correspondence, alas.

Meanwhile, in San Jose, we have one of those hideous finger-pointing exercises in progress. When I installed Mom's most recent computer, I used Netcom's disk to install their Internet software. It had an obsolete phone number for their San Jose dial-in, so I used their Morgan Hill dial-in to download the new numbers. We switched back Netcomplete to the new San Jose number, but apparently Netcomplete didn't change the number in Windows Dial-Up Networking, so she has some nasty phone bills and Netcom denies responsibility. Meanwhile, PacBell wants payment. Arrgh! Why did we get Mom that computer?

The good news of the week is that the fundraising effort I had spearheaded at temple for our Torah Fund has finally reached its goal. We have the money we think is needed to restore our first Torah, and we can reasonably expect to complete the project in time for next High Holidays. Alas, I never got around to figuring out enough CGI to put the fundraiser barometer on the web page.

December 14, 1998

The accounting course is completed, hooray! (I will miss the wonderful teacher.) After a panic-filled evening of exam preparation, trying to figure out what to do with the opportunity to bring in a page of notes, I realized that the final was mostly going to be about concepts I understood, rather than formulae to memorize. No tax issues were included; just a net-present-value problem, a cost-volume-price problem, and a general question about budget tools. Indeed, the accounting course ended well--I comfortably answered the questions on the final, and my term paper was returned with an optimal grade. I believe I am in grave danger of getting a good grade for the course, after having learned some stuff I wanted explained to me for many years. The New York trip that followed was a brief and fun celebration, catching up with friends, after which it was good to get home to Boston.

I'm in "make and mend" mode now, anticipating my quick cameo in California at Christmas and the resumption of school on the day after New Years. Current priorities: replace broken telephone (done), upgrade laptop to win98 (first attempt completed, but will make another attempt since I didn't select enough options), get some way to back up pcmcia flash card data onto my new computer (pcmcia drive does not work, which is what inspired the laptop upgrade), test ethernet between new computer and old laptop, test new CDROM writer, replace kitchen chairs, replace broken VCR, and attend social stuff. Whew! Work is rather busy too, and similarly good stuff is getting accomplished.

April 1, 1999

but not an April Fools joke

California at Christmas was good, if foggy. Surprizingly, Netcom made good on Mom's phonebill fiasco. I stayed in Oakland with friend Richard Lamberty and made a couple of trips to see family in Alamo. Eventually, United delivered my luggage, reminding me why it's important to pack carryons strategically. In spite of airports being mostly closed in fog, my flights got me back home to resume school New Year's Weekend.

The Winter term proved rewarding, with a communication class bolstering my confidence in making presentations and a class called "The Executive Manager" getting me used to looking at business issues in an integrated way. Alas, my 4.0 lasted only ten weeks.

The new term at school looks like the heaviest yet, with Statistics and a year's worth of Economics packed into ten weeks. I'm working my way through Samuelson's sixteenth edition, and tonight I hope to finally wrap my mind firmly around the definition of elasticity.

Between the terms, I went to Chicago to visit friends Margot and Malia. It was a densely packed weekend of activity, whose highlights included a long lakeshore walk from the zoo to Meiggs Field, the motorcycle exhibit at the Field Museum, a play, and some intense discussion of family values. Why do families provide so much heartache?

The long-anticipated trauma of my job moving out to the suburbs occured in February. My commute tripled. The new building is an atrocity, where visitors ooh and ahh over the airy, open architecture, while the rest of us struggle to get any work done in our non-soundproofed terreria. People can't find their way around the building because everything looks the same.

Aside from annoyance over the move, work is getting more interesting as my role has shifted. Instead of a focus on getting the new features out the door in the next three months, I'm now on the technology evaluation team. The horizon is twelve to twenty-four months. Time to come up to speed on the industry buzzwords of the next year...

June 22, 1999

Two more terms of school have passed, and I've been flat out. I now think of myself as being about halfway through school. The grades are fine, and I'm learning a bunch. But it's a struggle, and not just academically. I am coping with major procrastination, where everything always looks more interesting than the task at hand. Minor bouts with loneliness are to be expected; it's the general sense that what I'm doing doesn't matter to anyone that's so overwhelming. In a sense, it should be liberating that I'm free to do what I want within the confines of the structure I've set up. That structure however, is isolated, lacks nurturement, and just isn't satisfying. Hello mid-life crisis.

Things at temple are not working now. Compounding my general inability to get there on Friday nights due to school is the lack of stimulation I'm getting from the congregation. The majority of the people I liked are gone. I feel like the board is out to lunch, and all that's there is a discount sunday school, for which I have no need. Why, oh why, did I put myself up for trustee again? I put out an impassioned plea asking what people want from Betenu, which has been met with resounding silence.

With somewhat less disappointment, I presided over an astonishingly smooth condo association annual meeting. After working out a fifty year capital plan, costs were well enough documented that there was hardly a quibble over the fees, even though they are already high enough that I'd be wimpering in some of my neighbors' units. I still don't know if we'll ever figure out how to get adequate coverage from the management company, who have taken more than a year to fully install an additional dryer.

I'm once again in the midst of a travel blitz, having attended a couple of conferences and meetings for work, planning summer vacation, more conferences, and some seminars away for school. Thank God I get help from Judy, both as a housesitter and making a bunch of the logistics work out. Recent travels included visits to Tigger and Bill in DC, as well as David and danny in Corvallis. If only my old friend and travel agent Chris hadn't left the travel business!

Work continues to be pleasantly interesting, and I'm getting used to the suburban commute, although my car is showing unmistakable signs of age. An office move down the hall has improved my situation in a couple of ways. From this office, I can see out an outside window from my desk. Also the conversations I overhear here are less directly related to my work, so I'm not as mentally drawn into them. My role continues to evolve, looking at new technologies, and I expect things will shift once again when I get back from vacation.

Here I have once again demonstrated how everything else is more interesting to me than the task at hand. I am struggling to get going on preparing a talk I'm giving to my group at the end of the week. The success of this talk is an ingredient of my incentive bonus, yet I'm still typing at you instead. Argh! I was tormented in this same way for the last fortnight, trying to wrap up the term project for school. When I decided to work on it at work, even work seemed more interesting, which helped my employer end up getting more work out of me. Why can't my therapist help with this?

On the personal front, I'm getting really good at helping friends and relatives choose and install their computers, rather than doing things that make me feel connected. I'm losing count how many such computers I've done recently. It's not their fault this is one of the only ways I'm prepared to express my care. I recently attempted to date two Mikes. It turned out neither one had really disentangled from the previous relationship. I've lost track of when I last had such a relationship, though in my struggle to remain out at work, I brought in an old photo of Jared, which now sits by the whiteboard. He was such a sweetheart; if only...

July 16, 1999

This past weekend, I returned from my summer vacation and began the new school term. The vacation was a 10,000 mile tour of the US, half by car, half by airline. My father accompanied me for most of the drive, which was an expedition roundtrip between Los Angeles and Chicago, visiting family and friends. Although the trip convinced us that Dad and I dislike each other's driving, on other fronts, the trip was great in spite of extreme summer weather. My write-up is rather lengthy, so I have placed it in a separate file, tour1999.html.

January 16, 2000

I just began my sixth and penultimate term of business school, after a very hectic fourth and fifth, hence the half year since my most recent update here. In the latter terms, I took a hefty three courses, including seminars in Barcelona, Spain, and Washington DC. This time, I'm juggling four, including a leadership seminar I just attended in Maine. I write now to sum up the situation for my friends I owe email--I really need to be brief, so I can get going on the leadership paper to wrap up that course and catch up on Marketing and Portfolio Management. Then again, perhaps I'll be able to use some of the following narrative in my paper.

The leadership seminar was a combination of classroom lectures on academic leadership theory, class discussion, self discovery exercises, and team building exercises. The latter two efforts included standardized personality and management style tests, a team play of the game Diplomacy (1880's Colonial Edition), and group skiing/snowboarding lessons. For the slopes, we were grouped according to ability and told to challenge ourselves as a laboratory for how we deal with risk.

For Diplomacy, I was teamed with two people, Rich and Ethyl, to play China. I have a new sympathy for Chinese leaders of that era and otherwise, since we faced adversaries on so many fronts at once. There were seven teams of three or four people, and according to my photos, we played the game for eight turns. I demonstrated the advantage of satellite photography, with my new digital camera (thanks Lars!) and my laptop computer, allowing my team to gather around the laptop for strategy sessions by the hotel lobby fireplace, away from the classroom, where everyone else crowded the playing board. Although no winner was officially declared, it was pretty clear that Hollapance, the late-in-the-game merger of Holland, Japan and France, had significant control of the board, as well as the most joyful esprit de corps. They valiantly demonstrated both team-building and thinking outside the box. The rest of us were left scrambling for scraps, and in an unintended replay of history, China was vastly shrunken after fending off attacks from all sides. I heartily salute Queen Ella and her Jalapenos! I also regret the failure of our early attempt at joint maneuvers with Ella's Japan team, which was comically echoed later by miscommunication in a botched joint move with England. I enjoyed strategizing with Paul on that fiasco anyway, and wish we found more common ground to work together.

For me, a recurring theme of the week was realizing how little opportunity I have to work with other people. This has multiple causes, from general lack of common ground with my classmates, to my own fear of losing control (or being deemed not smart), to weaknesses in my general social skills. I concluded that we ought to work together when possible, but not beat ourselves up when it is not. I went through a number of emotionally painful events through the week, from being left alone at a mealtime table, to not mixing well in the ski lesson, to feeling jealous at others' ease with which they assimilated to social norms. This led to the unexpected insight that in my class, I am not the only Jew, gay man, single, engineer, pilot, Californian, childless or liberal. I am, of course, the only intersection of any three of those, and assimilation is an angst-ridden arena for me, particularly when one of the fellow Jews declared she loves Christmas, one of my social minefields. Of the two singles, I was the gay one. The other guy was free to revel in his search for "hotties", which the married classmates enjoyed vicariously, while I felt most of my analogous comments would only estrange me further from the group. I agreed with a gay classmate going on the next trip to room together, so I'd at least have a bit of social sanctuary. Not that I have any gripes with perrenial roommate Dan--he's been very supportive; it's just that being an outlier on every front all the time is exhausting and lonely. My friend Peg, a Sloane MBA, warned me I'd face this in business school, and amazingly supportive though my class is, I am still dealing with differentness all the time.

Thanks to an invitation from Peg, I spent Christmas weekend learning the basics of skiing up at Sunday River through their guaranteed learn-to-ski program. When I returned to Sunday River for the leadership course, I had a courtesy lesson coming to me from the guarantee, which brought me to a total of eight lessons before being grouped for the course ski lessons. I had learned quite a bit, but with only four days of skiing to absorb and integrate eight lessons, my instructor from that last lesson recommended I take some time off from lessons and just "build mileage". I liked that advice, but it was in conflict with the structure of the leadership course, so I showed up in my required ninth lesson and had a miserable time.

One of the advantages of the structure of the course's ski instruction was continuity, both in instruction and group development. I went through seven instructors in the previous eight lessons, and my head was filled with apparently conflicting advice, compounded by a new social arrangement with each class. Alas, spending more time hearing yet another instructor's spin on what I needed to learn (in conflict with advice from my skiing friends, no less), left me so angry, I was hardly learning from this new instructor, and making no friends among my classmates. Indeed my breakthrough during that lesson came when I got fed up with connecting "perfect turns" back and forth across the trail, and turned downhill and skied, letting my anger at the tedium overcome my fear of the slope's pitch.

I seemed to be slowing down the rest of that group, while another student from a less experienced class wanted to accelerate, so Professor Rosenthal ("Doctor Bob") agreed to ski with the two of us to evaluate creating an intermediate class for us. Our lessons were based at South Ridge Base, and it was possible to ski from our hotel, the Grand Summit, over to our lessons, assuming sufficient proficiency to handle a variety of green trails. Since one of my personal goals for the week was to traverse the resort from one end to the other on skis, I jumped at this opportunity to get supervision skiing halfway across. Unfortunately, until I warm up, my skiing is pathetic. At that point, warming up took me about an hour. This compounded with icy conditions, unfamiliar trails, annoyance at having my skiing skills overestimated while being talked to like a beginner, all led to an astounding succession of falls crossing territory that was otherwise within reach of my skills. By the time we arrived (so late as to make the professor miss an appointment to ski with another group), he agreed that putting me in with a group was a disservice to both me and the group. We agreed to let me build mileage on my own, and the other student replaced me in the upper group. One of the lessons from lecture was to let go when building a group is insuperable, and this was a fine demonstration.

During my third lesson back on Christmas weekend, I lost control near the top of a straightaway on trail Sundance and careened straight down the hill toward the fence atop the bunny slope. I was too far back on the skis and eventually going too fast (instructor estimated 40MPH) to make the turns they had been training us to use to control speed, though I tried and tried. They hadn't taught us any emergency stop maneuver, Titanically claiming it unnecessary, and as the fence approached, I realized I had to figure one out fast. I ended up on my side, feet first, stopping several feet short of the fence, in what was subsequently identified for me as a hockey stop. This had two immediate and critical impacts: I absolutely lost confidence (and gained great anger) in Sunday River's "Perfect Turn" curriculum, hence the instructors, and I lost confidence in my ability to stay in control of my position on the slopes, drastically shortening my fuse to panic.

In my first self-directed skiing lesson, I gave myself several runs on the familiar trail Broadway to warm up. I then went over to Dream Maker, where I had that downhill breakthrough, and took a couple of runs expermenting with steeper pitch. I wrapped up by making a controlled descent down my then demonized Sundance, getting back on the horse, so to speak, and disarming the flashbacks of the Sundance runaway panic.

In my second lesson, after a couple of warmup runs, I traversed half the resort from South Ridge Base to White Cap Base, smoothly returning via the route Doctor Bob took us from the hotel. I then went to the top of Spruce Peak, traveling about halfway to the other end of the resort, Jordan Bowl, before turning back toward South Ridge Base (via Dream Maker) due to time constraints. I built mileage!

After three days of Spring skiing conditions, the weather turned cold. I had been doing without the longjohns, comfortably avoiding overheating in the warmer weather, and it hadn't yet gotten down to the single digit temperatures I had comfortably mastered Christmas weekend without even needing the toe warmers I had brought. In the teens, I didn't think I needed to go all out for warmth, only to discover I was wrong. As I rode the lift, my fingers started to hurt. By the time I made it down Broadway, they had gone numb, so I skied directly into Ski Patrol for advice. Meanwhile, a classmate had so serious an accident he had to be towed to Ski Patrol, and several more had less serious, but day-stopping encounters. Ski Patrol released me after my hands and toes recovered, and I zipped up for maximal protection to succeed with a few more Broadway runs, ditching my plan to make it to Jordan Bowl and back.

Our final day of skiing was scheduled to include a ski race in the morning, followed by optional free skiing in the afternoon. It had turned colder. It was so cold, participation was made optional. Several classmates bailed out. The race was set up on trail Moonstruck, one I hadn't yet tried, since that lift had been out of service all week. I decided I wanted to at least try the trail once, so I went out in full gear (including longjohns and face mask), and faced the first problem: the map didn't show any way to get to the top of our course on only green (beginner) trails. It turned out that the top twenty feet of a nearby blue trail were needed to get to the top of green trail Green Cheese, which led to the top of the green part of Moonstruck. I took a couple of spills warming up on those trails, and I skied on the other side of the trail from the race course. When I got to the bottom, I was ambivalent about trying the run again. A guy I've wanted to get to know from the class headed down to the lift, so I joined him, leading to my first timed run of the race, 58 seconds. Another guy from the class, PJ, whose ab initio to expert ski improvement was the talk of the class, headed for the lift, so I decided to take the opportunity to see him ski, which led to my second timed run through the course at 50 seconds. While I felt proud of my improvement, most of the rest of the class times were in the 40s, with a few of the best, including PJ, showing up in the 30s. I didn't find out the other times until it was too late to try again to figure out how to speed up to their league.

The extreme temperatures and winds led to the closure of the upper elevation lifts, blocking my intended cross-the-resort adventure, so instead I returned the rented skis and went for a scenic drive across northern New Hampshire to Vermont. Near Gorham, my car indicated an outside air temperature of -4F. Although Mount Washington was obscured by clouds, the rest of the scenery was beautiful. I finally glimpsed my friend Kevin's New Hampshire hometown of Lancaster, though I let the temperature get the better of me when it came to stopping for maple syrup in St. Johnsbury. Sorry, Peg.

Yesterday it was back to school, where the Marketing professor mercifully cancelled class because he couldn't get back into the country in time. There was enough to do preparing for Portfolio Management to take up the morning time. Now I'll catch up on a few emails, and try to dive into the final Leadership paper, though I'm eager to jump into the Portfolio homework, and I probably need to get going on the Marketing assignments. Thus, I'll be pretty scarce for the next few weeks. I also have a friend of a friend as a houseguest for several weeks; it's interesting after so many years without a roommate to be dealing with all that again, though Jim's a great guy. Things have gotten cold, outside and inside, so I broke out the electric heater for the first time. (Thanks Maryana!) Now I'm fighting a slight cold, while Jim tries to shake his. Meanwhile, work goes on. We're in the midst of a departmental reorg, and undoubtedly stuff happened while I was away. But that's what keeps things interesting, right?

June 6, 2000

Last night, I got the grade over the web for my last course, telling me I successfully completed my MBA with a final GPA of 3.88. I'm in San Francisco, vacationing, celebrating, and visiting many of the family and friends I've been ignoring for the two jam-packed years of graduate school. Tonight I finally get to meet brother Evan's other half Andy, after they are already living together in an amazing house I've only seen pictures of and heard about second hand.

A brief recap is overdue for this busy half year since the leadership course. The academically overloaded January quarter, with four courses, miraculously turned into a straight A experience. Both Portfolio Management and Marketing Management took major efforts to earn those grades, and I got especially notable feedback from the Marketing professor, who commented at one point, "Count on Hirsch to get the analysis right!" We did the final Marketing project in teams, and although my team leader had to prod me pretty hard to get my section in on time, the results were fabulous. We were the only team to get a straight A on the project, and the sections I wrote were the ones that the prof commended most favorably.

The Buenos Aires Seminar was a pleasant and interesting break at the sleepless end of a stressful term. My missed airplane connection in New York gave me a much needed day of rest and relaxation while the rest of my exhausted class toured a steel mill on the Rio del Plata. I put my photos from the trip into a Powerpoint slideshow, downloadable on the web from http://pobox.com/~dhirsch/eze. In that class project, I ended up recommending to Oracle that they use or build a data center in Buenos Aires. At some point, Genuity (the new name for GTE Internetworking) should do the same.

The final class in the MBA program was Strategic Management. Without a second course, this term was still a significant effort, with an ambitious workload from the one class. We each wrote journals tying the concepts of the week to a particular organization. As the professor suggested, I chose my life and career as the organization for that assignment. My team presented the case on the Japanese Facsimile Industry in 1990, and I gave a the technical background for the presentation. In teams, we competed in a computerized business simulator, where that portion of our grades was tied to continued improvements in our stock price. My team suffered some comical data entry errors, in addition to some unfortunate business strategy choices, putting us into seventh place out of eight teams in the end. We did manage to have fun with this anyway, and I got to make the final presentation for our team, outlining lessons learned. Evan visited that class on my last day of school.

The mugging, final school event where we get awarded our class mugs, was attended by Evan and my old friends Peg and Kevin. Evan and I went from there to a celebration put on by classmate Regina, and then we went on to Provincetown to enjoy the remainder of Memorial Day Weekend. On Tuesday, I flew with Evan back to San Francisco, on my way to a pleasantly timed business trip in Palo Alto the week prior to my California and Arizona vacation/victory tour, from which I write.

I'm now juggling relaxation, visitation, and contemplation about what's next on many levels. Got ideas for me? It's a great time to pass them on!

August 14, 2000

Based on my new degree, I got a new job with my old company, recently spun off under the name Genuity. The stock (GENU) is an outrageous bargain at under 7, and those of us who bought at the IPO price of 11 are working very hard to bring ourselves a profitable price by the time our shares are saleable at year end. Instead of working on new technologies for the engineering organization, I now do the same thing for the much more appreciative business organization. How much better appreciation? They pay me 25% more. They also say yes when I tell them I need to travel to get the job done. Thus, every other week for the last several, I've been gone about half the week, alternating between Palo Alto and New Yorsey (the near New Jersey suburbs of Manhattan). This week, I'm going to meet the engineering staff supporting me in the Dallas area, with an airfare-saving visit to relatives outside Little Rock on the way home. The projects are interesting, and I get a lot of people to cooperate with me when they realize I've got bigwig backing to save a couple of multi-million dollar facilities from recognizing no revenue. It's fun to have one's former boss's boss's boss's boss come into one's office to ask how he can help. I actually have lawyers deferring to my decisions, as if I know what I'm doing. I don't know whether to be delighted or scared, but I'm enjoying the adreniline rush.

My travels have gotten me visits with many family members of late, with additional pleasant events on the horizon, such as cousin Jesse's bar mitzvah in St Louis and Grandma's hundredth birthday in Florida. I'm getting pretty good results shopping airfares, and I wish I could get credit for how well I'm doing on that front for work--last week I bought three domestic roundtrip tickets each for under $300, while our corporate travel agents don't seem to be able to recommend anything below $1,000.

While I've been home, my temple finally voted, as I've long been advocating, to affiliate with the UAHC (Halleluyah!). This leaves me with the application paperwork to fill out, providing yet another demonstration of "be careful what you wish for; you might get it!" The congregation has a new president in whom I have growing faith. Although there's much work to do on this front, I'm convinced Betenu is now moving forward more decisively than it has in years.

My condo board gained a wonderful new trustee Tom, only to quickly lose him to the National Science Foundation in Washington; I guess I owe them for that Internet support we (the world) got a few years ago! The board also lost the services of my dear colleague, our former president Kaye, who decided to relocate to pursue her new career in teaching science.

On the personal side, there's not much to report. I'm still living on Lee Street, albeit with new carpets. I'm still driving the same old 84 station wagon, albeit with much recent engine work vastly improving fuel economy; the mechanic has recommended I shop for a replacement car, but this one will be a hard act to follow. Healthwise, my body is demanding more exercise, and I'm not just talking flab control; I'm literally getting muscle aches like I used to get between workouts. A friend from temple is working on his massage therapy license, so I'm happily volunteering to help him build the hours he needs to log as part of his process.

Occasional dates haven't been very satisfying, and I really need to find new ways to meet eligible, suitable(?!) bachelors. I also need to rebuild my confidence that I can have a relaxed, fun date with the right guy. Meanwhile, why do I keep getting interested in straight or otherwise unavailable guys? A colleague recently returned from military service in Greece; I'm still trying to figure out if he's flirting with me by sending photos of himself in uniform. No question I'm enjoying the latter torture, but I don't know how to appropriately follow up. I will admit I'm enjoying much of the freedom of being single, but I'm a bit unnerved by being so very unaccountable to anyone; I end up badgering all my friends to sanity check my decisions as a result. Meanwhile, the gay components of my social life have yet to really recover from school, although there's a proposal on the table to build a gay alumni network. The rest of the Boston scene isn't inspiring me much, which is probably an ingredient in my addiction to travel. I swear I can stop after this next couple of trips...

When I see my aunt and uncle this weekend, I plan to propose a family expedition to Australia. Another cousin wants to go, and both of us singles are reluctant to go so far alone. Then again, one of these days I'm going to begin playing dot-to-dot by sea. There are a couple of listings with TravLtips (http://www.travltips.com) from Europe to North America and from North America to the Tasman Sea area that keep intriguing me. And of course I eventually want to buy a car in Europe; I don't know if this round is the right time for me financially, but I'm researching it seriously.

On the reading front, my friend Matt, who introduced me to favorite author Lois McMaster Bujold, recently hooked me on a fascinating, delightful series by Leo Frankowski about a modern Polish engineer who blunders through a time machine into medieval Poland ten years prior to the Tartar invasion. Although sexist to the hilt, these stories have even found favor with my step-mom and step-sister. ...yet another series to reread amidst my seventh (or so) read through Bujold's Vorkosigan series. And there's so many new books on my shelves...

Other projects? I want to replace a flakey hard disk and then resume my transfer of music into my computer. I bought a new amp with the plan of using it as the stereo interface between computer, phonograph and tape decks. The objective is to capture all my old media into mp3 files, and to produce personal audio CDs of content that never made it off vinyl. Of course to do this, I need to catch up on the pile of accounting paperwork that currently blocks the spot where the new amp wants to land. And then there's the new flight simulator and the new airport simulator to add to the old airline simulator, tower simulator and previous flight simulator. And on goes the search for a reasonable Shanghai Mahjongg that's small, portable, and "authentic", as I used to play under X-windows. I've bought three versions, only to be disappointed each time. But I'm not spending enough time on computers, so I took a day off last week to help my friend Steve shop for a new computer. He bought a Toshiba laptop, which will travel the world with him--he's cabin crew for Northwest.

One last project and I'll close. I need to replace my camera. I can't decide whether I want a $300 digital camera, a $600 videocam or a $900 digital videocam. I was so torn by this decision, I was unable to make the purchase by the time I went on my last Palo Alto trip, where I really wanted the camera to capture details of my visit to Black Mountain. That site, on a ridge of the Santa Cruz Mountains, is both a key to my current project for work and a central location in the view out my bedroom window from childhood. A colleague on the trip took pity at my apparent desperation and handed me a virgin disposable camera. Happily, I seem to get pretty good results from those, and I hope to soon post some fresh photos on my web site.

January 29, 2001

It's been almost six months. The Black Mountain project worked, and the followup paperwork is almost done. I bought a digital camera (Canon S-100), the results of which can be seen in my latest California photos. I haven't seen suitable weather for new Black Mountain photos yet, alas. Meanwhile, the company stock (GENU), which seemed a bargain at under 7 is now hovering around 4, and my group within the company is disbanding. So what do I do when my job seems shakey? Buy a new Mercedes. I figure I'll be well into my next job by the time the car arrives in early May. How's that for swagger?

I've already gotten my first skiing in for the year, having accompanied Peg to Ragged Mountain in New Hampshire. After a week, I've almost recovered, which is good, since the next Sunday River trip is coming up. Hopefully this time I'll get to ski all the way to Jordan Bowl and back.

The year-end trip: I dragged my friend Bruce for his first visit to San Francisco and a Christmas weekend ski trip with Evan to Tahoe. United lost my luggage, ruining Christmas the same way for a second time in three years. I ended up wasting an afternoon shopping for replacement clothes and another afternoon returning the excess once my bags were finally delivered. We went to Tahoe anyway and got good photos but didn't ski. A couple of others in our group got injured while skiing; the snow wasn't quite adequate. Someday I'll go back and ski Heavenly.

We stayed for several days with my friends David and danny at their place by Ocean Beach and Golden Gate Park. We did spend the better part of a fun couple of days shopping at Mr S. At the end of an unexpected sidetrip to San Jose, I tried to connect with my mom for dinner to no avail. I ended up visiting step-sister Shelly, where it turned out my dad and step-mom were still visiting. It was wonderful, and with good visits to both friends and family, I feel truly torn between the coasts.

I took a quick overnight sidetrip to Southern California to visit friends Bob and Lee. Bob is joining me for an upcoming European vacation, and this was a planning session, as well as my first chance to see their new home between Los Angeles and Palm Springs. Thank goodness for low airfares on Southwest! Thank goodness also for interesting reading to distract me from all the airport delays on the trip, and for the cellphone that made the logistics easier to repair.

For New Years Eve, danny and I caught the last few hours of the DeYoung Museum, which is being torn down for replacement with a more earthquake-ready building. I had a nice steak dinner with friends Harry and Michael before we gave up on our targeted New Years Eve party for lack of parking. Bruce spent the night visiting a cousin. In the morning he joined us at H&M's for the beginning of their New Years Day party. Two hours before our flights home, Bruce decided to extend his trip another week. He had a better time once I left. I felt better once I got home with all my luggage intact, which was made possible only by an equipment delay in Washington DC.

On the temple front, I pulled together about fifty pages of affiliation application, which apparently were well received. The ratification process takes about a year, and we hope to be formally accepted in October at the Boston UAHC Convention. I also sponsored a wonderful event that was the brainchild and production of our new president Paula Silver. That was a coffeehouse, with four open mike performers and professional singer Jenny Paul. It was the best social event we've had in a long time, and hopefully the first of a series.

On the homefront, I'm trying to recruit more condo trustees. Everyone's really busy these days, and we're doing too good a job for anyone to want to bother to make time for us. Guess I'll have to do something unpopular to get people's attention. On a more local level, I'm making space for my friend Don to rent a room from me. He's in transition between settling his mother's nearby estate and a relocation plan while I'm going to struggle a while with car payments. Slowly that front room is getting cleared out in my spare time. Then again, it's competing with viewing a friend's tapes of "Queer as Folk" and mastering the 747 in my flight simulator. The latter is a beautiful laboratory for the concept of power curve: you constantly juggle scarce power between climb and acceleration, and it's surprisingly easy to lose control, even using the autopilot.

Watch this space for results of all the sweat I'm pouring into my resume, which I know is due for another major revision or two. See http://pobox.com/~if/resume.

I'm also trying to come up to speed as a member of the Community Advisory Board (CAB) for the Fenway Community Health Center Research Institute. I figure it's time for me to get involved in some community activity within Boston and with some gay connections. We're advising principal investigators for HIV prevention counseling trials and HIV vaccine trials. Issues include patient disclosure and consent ethics, participant outreach and recruitment, and coordination with other trial sites around the world. My opening theme is to make the CAB more accessible to suburbanites, which during the business day my current employer forces me to be. Early meetings in the city make it very difficult for us to participate, which I've also identified as a factor in recruiting participants in the trials we're supposed to promote.

August 21, 2001

My suburban problem has gone away. I was laid off with 600 of my closest friends and colleagues from Genuity; so much for dazzling the marketplace with fabulous black rockets. I should give them credit for a nice severance check, which with my savings in anticipation of the event, will tide me over for quite a while.

As I mentioned in preparations above, my friend Don, who occasionally accompanies me to various social events, has moved in as my roommate. In the process of settling his mother's estate, he sold the house and needed a short term place to move. Since I was expecting to be laid off and since I enjoy his company, we struck this arrangement. It's working out nicely, as we give each other support through these bumpy times. Things are very crowded, and it will be interesting to see how it evolves.

Meanwhile, I've had an off and (currently) on dating pattern with a man who has me excited enough to not want to jinx it by discussing it here. It's Don's fault for dragging me to another fundraiser. All I can say is I hate flakey answering machines. My date's overwhelmed by work, and I'm overwhelmed by lack of work. Well really, it's substitutes for work, and they are hyperabundant.

Punctuating my sparse interview schedule, my travels have continued. I traveled to St Louis to visit cousins for the weekend, only to end up driving from there to Nashville to attend a memorial service for a long lost uncle. I drove with my father to Chicago to lay lead the burial; it was right out of Elanor Rigby. Weeks later, I drove 3500 miles around California and Arizona, attending a wedding, visiting friends and family, and house-sitting for friends. At the wedding in Tucson I gained my third Morman step-son-in-law. This one comes with Jewish parents who were amazed and relieved to find other Jews in the family. I think we're putting together a Chanuka party in Tucson this year.

I just returned from the Centers for Disease Control HIV Prevention Conference in Atlanta, where I finally got a sense that I understand what is needed for my work with Fenway. The trip itself was interesting, since Don and I drove down together, seeing people and sights along the way. The car's starting to exhibit gremlins -- problems that mysteriously come and go. Aside from that, Emma, the car's navigation system (officially COMAND), worked from three different database disks. From this and the rental in California, I'm even more firmly convinced that these nav systems are much, much better than nothing, but have overwhelming opportunity for improvement. I'm looking at the supply chain of these devices for potential job opportunities.

But who needs a job to travel? I need to get my Atlanta expense report in so I can start making plans for an upcoming Seattle meeting. Meanwhile, I'm thinking about public health as a potential career shift. Several interesting people in Atlanta gave me encouragement. However, I'll also continue to pursue familiar job prospects in the interest of more rapidly resuming a steady income stream.

I've been toying with starting a small side business writing organizational manuals. However, I've observed that I've made no progress on my intended sample documents for Betenu and my condo association. Then again, I just came through a combination of busying events, described above. I've also been migrating onto my new laptop and Handspring Visor. I also stepped in when Betenu's Finance VP resigned the post just before budget season. This week, I'm stepping in for Betenu's Newsletter editor, who's dealing with some medical headaches I don't envy. I wish Steve a very speedy recovery.

I finally read a book I had long postponed, "Remembering Denny" by Calvin Trillian. I generally avoid stories where the protagonist doesn't survive. This one was rich with insights about both the burdens of being promising and how the social pecking order works in the Ivys. It gave me more sympathy for myself and how I dealt with Harvard. It also gave me more appreciation for the extra-curriculars I include in my life that help me remember there's more to my worth than what I do in the job market. These activities have been instrumental in my not being devastated by my recent job loss. I can't strongly enough recommend volunteer work as a means of remaining connected to your community, feeling valuable, and getting exposed to more opportunities to learn and grow.

I may get back to playing bridge soon. My cruel dad sat me down with the bridge simulator and talked through a few hands with me. When is Sheinwald going to revise "Five Weeks to Winning Bridge" to use five card majors?! I spent more time with Bridge Baron last week, and it now has a shortcut on my laptop. Is Dad a dealer or just an addict? It depends on the hand.

December 16, 2001

The past few months have continued a couple of disturbing trends. I remain unemployed while more of my friends join me in that status. In addition, I've been learning more about death with the list of my recent Kaddish remembrances growing to five. My dear grandmother Hilda didn't quite make her 101st birthday. Accompanying my mother for all the funeral arrangements was quite an education. I subsequently read and now recommend "The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning" by Maurice Lamm. Even though his perspective is Orthodox and Ashkenazi while mine is Reform and American, I found his book very instructive background material and full of thoughtful points.

Of course all this study about remembrance has been timely in light of September 11 events, but that topic is a bit of a sore point for me. I feel the country has indulged in a bit of voyerism, prying into people's private tragedies. Don't get me wrong, those suffering have my sympathy. I just wish them the dignity of not having their loss turned into a circus. I'm also disgusted with all the flag waiving; it does nothing to enhance being in America, which is already a fine place to be, warts and all.

Lacking a paying job, I've continued to enjoy my volunteer work. I attended the HVTN meeting in Seattle, where I came up to speed on my role on its Global Community Advisory Board. I'm now consulting with the steering committee on governance and logistical issues. I also came away with a new long-distance romance. It's my turn next to visit him, having hosted him around Thanksgiving. Thank God for banked frequent flyer miles! Meanwhile, we explore discount long distance telephone service and online chat methods.

My affiliation work at Congregation Betenu bore the fruit of my being able to attend at this year's UAHC Biennial Convention in Boston. I simply walked across the river to the convention. However, the convention itself was a logistical nightmare. Par for the course: the security was by Argenbright during the time they were being banned from Logan Airport for incompetance. The registration was handled by a combination of poorly trained and untrained volunteers. The lines were ferocious, and I had to stand in registration lines four times due to errors. When I got to events, they were usually worthwhile, although there was a maddening trend of people wasting half their speaking time thanking everybody and explaining how and why they would keep their comments brief. The other event gaff that I hope becomes a lesson learned is where we had a luncheon speaker, and the rabbi in charge of the event made us do the blessing for after the meal before half the room was done being served, no less done eating. The insult angered many of us: we were being told to tell God we were sated and done eating while waiters were still bringing food to the table. Jews do not usually tolerate being told by rabbis to lie, especially to God.

Convention flaws aside, I was moved by the plenary session tribute to former UAHC President Rabbi Schindler, a man whose frequent quotations in the press always made me proud to be a Reform Jew. I also enjoyed the track for increasing outreach and programming aimed at those between college and child-rearing. Singles groups may be necessary, but they are not sufficient to give adults in their twenties and thirties a sense of place in congregations. My experience of taking a leadership role in my thirties is atypical in American Jewish experience. I encouraged the younger folks in this track to join their boards and the older folks to recruit younger members to boards. I told them if they weren't seeing appropriate programming supported by their boards, they should work to take over! Two young rabbis at Boston's Temple Israel are doing exemplary work in attracting the age group to actively participate, and it has infused unprecedented energy into their congregation. I applaud them. That congregation is also enjoying the fruits of a family education program, where parents don't just drop the kids off for religious school. Kids almost invariably mirror their parents' interest in Jewish learning (or lack thereof). Giving the entire family a chance to learn together has bolstered Jewish literacy among a generation whose Jewish education was often abbreviated by the family wish for assimilation. We face a wonderful opportunity for rennaisance.

August 18, 2002

It has been an awkward five quarters since leaving Genuity. The company seems on the brink, and I've been doing only slightly better. Suffice to say, I've not been comfortable writing in this space about the unemployment experience in a time my base industries (telecom and aviation) are in economic depression. Wierdly, I've been stuck driving my newish Mercedes throughout this financial event. Miraculously, the savings that I thought would get me through last December now seems sufficient to get me through this December, like the oil of the Hannukah story. I anticipate income prior to that flameout, as I've started working in two new companies.

Last summer, while I visited David and danny in San Francisco, David and I took a drive one day to Sacramento. David filed incorporation paperwork for his new company. Little did I know I'd join the company the next year, but that happened at the beginning of this month. I'm Eastern Sales Director. I'm busy coming up to speed, both on the product and on how to sell it. Last time I did sales was in 1980, as a kid selling Sprint Long Distance, in the quaint days before consumers knew there were options beside AT&T. I nearly starved. This time, the target customer is more sophisticated and the commissions will hopefully roll in more smoothly. Time will tell. Thanks to my brother Evan for every professional tip he shares with me from his sales successes at Campton Place.

Among the thousand favorite friends and colleagues laid off with me from Genuity was my dear old friend Peg. Last summer, she started her own firm, Primak Partners, to do probate accounting. Now that she has growing income from that business, she decided it was time to stop going solo, so she invited me along. I'm now studying the arcana of guardianship financial reports in Massachusetts, and, once mastering that, thinking about expanding us to an additional state. I'm already representing Peg at networking events with such success that another regular at one event asked me to be a substitute at a subsequent event. I hope to soon begin billable work, so I can get paid!

Back in February, I accepted an invitation from Homero to return his November visit and travel to Brazil. It was the conclusion of a hopelessly long-distance romance, but the possible prelude to a happy long-distance friendship. Homero teaches English and hopes to start his own school.

If these businesses plus rental income don't give me enough diversification of income to weather the economic storm, I have no clue how to better demonstrate the concept.

Having gotten close enough to financial flame-out to genuinely worry about it, I became more sensitive about the quality of my volunteer time. I was having cultural differences with the hierarchy of the HIV Vaccine Trials Network, such that my liaison astutely asserted I'd never be satisfied with my volunteer experience there. Thus, just weeks before the global meeting in Washington, I was uninvited. I went for the last day anyway, just to visit with Homero, in from Brazil. But it was the beginning of the end for me with Fenway. Although the Fenway staff and CAB were graceous about the breakdown between me and HVTN, the same issues I had with HVTN arose locally. Basically I felt I was being asked to contribute a significant professional effort without any compensation, while staff was not doing what I considered to be crucial elements of their paid jobs. I withdrew to refocus on my search for pay. I face similar issues with my condo association (I just created a huge increase in condo fees), and my synagogue, where I'm in the hot-seat as senior VP, since the president recently announce her impending departure due to her husband's economic dislocation. After a year of major volunteer work, it is time for me to favor paying work.

Recently, I was diagnosed with an allergy to dust mites. In most cases, this is easy to deal with: seal up mattress and pillows, and regularly launder sheets, vaccuum and dust vigorously. However, with the overcrowding of my apartment compounding my allergy to housework, real cleaning and dusting has been impossible. Happily, the allergy medication has largely alleviated symptoms. But the whole affair has sensitized me to the limitations of my home in its current form as an overstuffed library and warehouse. Brainstorming with roommate Don (in his expertise as an architectural historian) and property manager Bill (for his familiarity with construction issues in 1901 vintage buildings) led to some startling conclusions: tear down some silly interior walls and expand the place out toward the exterior walls! Of course, it will be largely uninhabitable during the process. So, going out on a cashflow limb, I believe I'll be renting out a room from friend Shira in Nashua for the forseeable future. It's not yet a done deal, but we are both eagerly anticipating the short-term results. Having relocatable work is definitely an asset, so long as I can find adequate space someplace to work.

In this time of economic struggle, I wish everybody I know the blessing of adequate paid work.

April 14, 2003

Much to my temporary disappointment, none of the diversified income attempts of 2002 turned into anything like a paying job, even if they were fabulous experiences. Back to the career search drawing board! In spite of its current economic decline, I've long wanted a role in aviation. Although I worked my way through primary pilot training, I don't think I want to do that for a living. I'm above the age limit to become an air traffic controller. In the current economy, it's rare to find an airline hiring raw MBAs. So I kept exploring for something I could do to get some core aviation experience. I think I've found it: dispatching. I attended the six-week dispatcher course at Sheffield School of Aeronautics and earned my FAA Aircraft Dispatcher license. It was an invigorating, intense experience and I had great classmates.

Two weeks from today, over 100 weeks after my last ordinary day of employment as a technical MBA, I plan to start working as a junior dispatcher at a wonderfully small airline affiliated with US Airways. I'll write more about the experience and the company once I get settled in at the job. Meanwhile, it's all about relocation. How the blazes do I rapidly pack up an apartment where I've lived for eighteen years? How do I get in touch with over twenty years worth of local friends to say farewell over the space of a task-packed fortnight? It's an overwhelming and emotionally exhausting project. It's also thrilling: I'm finally moving out of my college housing, an overdue event. Well, that's the big news, and now it's back to the moving tasks at hand...

October 13, 2004

It's been so long since I've written in this diary, I've largely forgotten how to use emacs. Yes, I've forgotten much of vi too; this is frightening. But I'll get over that to type in a long overdue update. As I last wrote, I was moving to suburban DC for an airline job as a dispatcher. I have finally survived on that job long enough to have earned my first vacation time. I spent the past week in Brazil, learning more Portuguese and helping Homero teach English, playing the Native-speaker-in-residence for his school. A bit more on that later, but first, why haven't I written?

Just as I experienced with unemployment, the tasks of coming up to speed in a new job, in a new industry, and in a new region, have left me feeling more overwhelmed than enthused. It's hard to feel good writing about that in such a public forum. The fact is, the current situation pales in comparison with what I experienced starting at BBN twenty years ago. I'll grant that it's been an interesting experiment, and it certainly beats unemployment, allowing me to trade up from my Cambridge condo to a Manassas townhouse. But having completed my first year as a dispatcher, it is quite unclear where I will go to build upon the experience. I got a job offer from a similar airline to do the same kind of work, but I haven't yet found a place that will make broader use of the skills I bring, compensating me accordingly. I still make about the same amount I was getting on unemployment, which with benefits is acceptable as an internship in a new industry for a year or so, but not as a long term financial condition.

Aside from the pay issues, the work schedule is socially crippling. With slight variations, we work on two ten-hour shifts, 4am-2pm and 1pm-11pm. I've mostly been assigned early shifts, which means I might as well live on a space station in a European time zone. I head toward bed about 5pm for a 2am wake-up. Rarely do I actually get the scheduled 8 hours of sleep, accumulating a sleep deficit through the work week, yet I'm still largely cut off from evening activity. I'm also often assigned weekend work shifts, again making my schedule incompatible with most human contact outside work. By the time I'm done with a day's work, I'm exhausted. After my work week, I often need a day to recover before I'm ready to enjoy any sort of weekend. There are several other issues, worth mention in aggregate, but of potential career danger if I lay them out here, thus the frustration of working in an environment where I feel seriously constrained in self-expression. To sum it up, my work life in the new career has been largely unpleasant.

It's away from work that the benefits show up. The biggest benefit is the combination of a four day work week and free travel privileges. Indeed, I've been back to Boston, New York, Chicago and San Francisco a number of times. And, joy of joys for me, on certain flights I get to ride in the cockpit. But when it comes to time-critical trips, my free standby travel doesn't cut it. I took the day off and flew to New Hampshire for Yom Kippur. If I hadn't bought a ticket for that flight, I would not have gotten a seat on the overbooked plane. When I go to San Francisco, I count on my friends near the airport to pick me up if I'm stranded by full flights home. Not feeling equipped to do that in Brazil, I bought a ticket to prevent getting stranded. As it turns out, I probably could have gotten onto the flights standby, but the risk would have left me a nervous wreck, since failure to show up for my scheduled work shift is grounds for dismissal.

As it was, I had to fly via Canada to get a cheap seat near the day I wanted. Air Canada service certainly lived down to the low price. On the plane, the computer connecting the seat controls to the overhead lights was screwed up. The guys sitting across the plane from me controlled my lights, while my light switches controlled the lights over a lady in the middle section of the plane; we worked out hand signals to help each other out. We were partly avenged this nuisance as the flight attendants went crazy because all the wrong call button lights were going off all over the place by disgruntled and confused passengers. After I saw a flight attendant incorrectly attempt to explain the phenominon to the first officer, I filled him in on the details we passengers had been able to piece together. Meanwhile, is there any excuse for a lavatory on an international flight to run out of soap? I ended up in awe of the chutspah of both parties in a scene where an Israeli passenger successfully coaxed a cup of tea and biscuits from a flight attendant who had tried to brush him off stating mid-flight that the food and beverage service was over. I'm now convinced bankrupt United Airlines has a vastly superior international product to its bankrupt Star Alliance partner Air Canada. Shall I mention the convenience of clearing customs and immigration twice in Toronto? What a spectacular airport, where I had the dubious pleasure of having to use three separate terminals in the process of my connection! Of course, now that I know how all this works, and where the shorter lines are, and how to sleep on the plane, I'm ready to try it all again, go figure. Did I mention I'm doing all this on relatively limited income?

Back in Brazil, I am in awe of what Homero and his friends have done putting together their English school. The people involved are tremendous. The students treated me like royalty. If any of my friends are interested in spending a week down there helping with the school, I encourage you to discuss it with me. By the way, as I finish writing today, emacs is magically coming back into my fingertips. Hooray!

October 2, 2006

It's been two years since I've written here. Today is Yom Kippur, and I'm using this diary entry as a means for reflection.

First, some basic facts: Among my trips back to Boston, I kept in touch with old colleagues at BBN. One of the groups I where I worked in 1990 had been asked over the past couple of years by one of my favorite customers to provide an on-site support person. Noone currently in the department wanted to move out to Los Angeles to fill the position. I applied and they hired me. Thus, I left the airline and rejoined my old company BBN, yet relocated to California to end my 25 year exile.

After six months of searching for a California home, I am still in my temporary housing, a shared condo on the edge of Torrance with roommate Keith. My Manassas townhouse sold at a nice profit, and with good down payment and adequate income, I was not expecting trouble as a real estate buyer in what has turned into a buyer's market. I am currently working with my fifth realtor to select my fifth property to attempt to purchase. I still need to sue my way out of escrow on property number four, where the seller failed to disclose pending litigation against the property. The professionalism of multiple people involved with that transaction has been disappointing. Nonetheless, I carry on with the hope that I can soon rescue my belongings from relocation company storage, host a whole bunch of overdue visitors, lay down fresh roots in the community and resume a number of personal projects currently in limbo.

One of the joys of the new job, has been revisiting my New England roots. Shuttling back and forth for my training in Cambridge has permitted me to visit Betenu on several occasions and to reconnect with friends I hadn't been able to see in spite of free flying during my airline work.

The biggest wins of the move have been related to family in the West. I'm now within a day drive of friends and family around San Francisco and Tucson. A few weeks ago, I saw my brother's new North Beach apartment, as well as some other Bay Area friends and family. This past weekend, I visited my dad and step-mom in Tucson, with a side trip to her granddaughter's new family property outside Benson. On the way back, I had a sushi lunch with another step-neice's family in Casa Grande.

On both of these trips, my new friend Rich accompanied me. We've been spending lots of time together, and he's probably the biggest pleasant surprise of this relocation. We're both in turmoil related to household moves, while he's in the last stages of building a new house and I search madly for one I can buy. I plan to go out to dinner with him tonight to break my Yom Kippur fast.

One of the casualties of my housing limbo has been my Jewish links. Athough I've located potential congregations, I don't want to get involved until I know where I'm living. This means, aside from Betenu, I have no place to go for high holidays. My nearby cousin Marion checked with her congregation if they would honor my Betenu holiday tickets as an inter-congregation courtesy. They would not. So instead, I'm taking the day off alone, trying to figure out appropriate observance on my own. My old friend Michael used to do this routinely, never bothering with congregational observance, but it's not quite what I want from the holidays. Part of the importance for me is not only personal repentance and rededication, but communal repentance and rededication. We live in communities, as well as families and bodies. That is why I pay membership in a congregation.

Ironically, as I type this, I got a call from my friend and former Manassas roommate and colleague Tyler. He's having computer trouble. I think I wrote somewhere above of my frustration that I seem to only be able to express my love for friends and family with technical support. As he's been my only human contact yet today, I'm reminded that having friends and family to support, in whatever ways I can, is the blessing of having people in my life. So thank you Tyler, and good luck with your pesky computer woes. We both seem to be getting better at this.

Whether consciously or not, a bunch of friends have contacted me around my recent birthday. I was delighted to hear unexpectedly from Homero in Brazil, Andy and Rob in New Zealand, Matt and Judy in Boston, David in San Francisco, Mark in Wisconsin and Shawn in Morgan Hill. Bless you all for remembering me.


Email to dhirsch@pobox.com. Please alert me to broken links in these pages. Thanks.
$Date: 20064/10/02 22:03:51 $ GMT. Back to Doug's home page?